Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Merry Christmas

Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas Eve.  How's that stress going?  Family driving you nuts yet?  Soon,  soon.  At my house, it's almost time for the 2008 In-law Christmas Blowout.  I've set nearly all the charges and detonators, I just need a few more and the timer...
     Actually, yesterday I distracted myself with what is possibly the most socially beneficial part of the holidays:  better than toys-instead-of-food/shelter/education-for-tots, better than giving a quarter to the Salvation Army (no bull@#$%, the suburban zombie ringing the bell by the red bucket today was wearing a fur coat.  On which planet does that make sense?).  I wrote Christmas cards.  Or maybe I mean "Holiday cards."  I never did find out who won the War on Christmas, and it definitely appears to be over, based on the lack of news coverage this time around.  Anyway, the part of the Solstice Season that does the most for humanity (no, not carols, they get irritating within 2 weeks of Thanksgiving.  No, not the cookies, either, they make people get all moody starting on January 2nd) is the cards.  In addition to getting rid of aging stamps and using all the return address labels that get sent to you by organizations that have come up with creative ways to (mis)spell your name, you get to reach out to everyone you know at least this once every year, without needing a specific reason, just to connect.  That has to be good for the collective spirit.  I know I get a kick out of it, myself.
     Of course, there is always a set of "troublesome" cards at the end-  people whose addresses you've lost, people who have new spouses and/or children whose names you can't remember for the life of you, people who send you cards who weren't on your list, etc- to whom you end up writing and sending cards at the last minute, usually to arrive around December 29th.  This was the set of cards I banged out today, after a night of work, stressed, delirious, and overcaffeinated.  Here is a typical result:

Dear Jeremy, Melissa, and Alex,
     Happy Holidays from back East.  Do you have any snow out there?  If you miss it, we could send you a couple of boxes, and I'd throw in the coal and carrot free of charge, and all you'd need is the hat.  Unless you wanted to go sledding, that is, and then you'd need a hat and a sled, and you could eat the carrot.  Don't eat the coal, though, it would give you the runs, and a huge carbon footprint.  So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
-The LivingJetlags

Later in the day, I was sent a link to Mil Millington's Christmas Card, which makes mine seem quite bland and thoughtless, which is here.  I hope you enjoy it.  I also hope you survive the holidays with your sanity no less intact than it was before.

Your Humblest and Most Devoted Servant,

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