Living Jetlag

All right, you punk. You may hate me, but I hate you more. This blog is officially the one gazillionth blog on the internet, so it must be taken seriously. It will go by the book, by the numbers, by the by, buy the farm, by the way... where was I? Anyway, we do need to have some ground rules before we proceed, and I will set down an incomplete set here, as if it has any bearing at all on an entity that is read reverse-chronologically.

1. I reserve the right to make no sense whatsoever. I work nights (that's the jetlag part), which throws off the "rational thought" portions of the brain, on top of the fact that those of us willing to give up relating to 95% of the living were a little odd to begin with.
2. This blog is entirely fictional. Any resemblance to any person or persons, living, dead or otherwise, as well as to any place, thing, idea, animal, state of being, or other noun is completely coincidental. I don't exist, and my fictional lawyer assures me that you don't either. (His exact words: "No one is going to read your crap blog.")
3. As you can see from the above, I am not above the occasional/ frequent/ constant use of profanity, though I will make every attempt at decent spelling and grammar. "Babbling bastard nonsense coherently stated," that's my motto (today).
4. I will feel vaguely guilty every day that I don't post something to this blog, and throw it into the pile with not exercizing, not doing some chunk of housework or other, not keeping in touch with old friends, not calling Mom and Dad... I need a beer. I will post to this blog whenever I can think of something else to bore you with, and on those days the above-mentioned Emotional Biohazard Disposal Site will glow just a little less brightly.
5. This blog has a strict no-insects policy. With all due respect to the rules to which I agreed when I set myself up here, I will not tolerate bugs. I hate bugs, and if I see them here I will absolutely squish them to oblivion with the largest object I can find, and I encourage you to do the same. There, if that little bit of hate-speech and exhortation to violence and animal cruelty gets past the filters, maybe next week I can write about driving in Boston.

OK, I'd better pace myself.

Your humblest and most devoted servant,

Livingjetlag.